This day 9 in a row of work for me. I used to be able to do things like that with no problem. One summer I worked at least 8 hours a day for 21 days straight to earn overtime, and some of those days I worked 16 hours.
But now 1) I don’t get overtime and 2) I’m old. Very old. And tired. Very tired.
Six or seven hours left, and I need to at least pretend to be productive.
It was just noted to me (very politely, and in the spirit of helping, not accusing) that I’ve been less engaged at work lately.
Yup, anxiety and depression will do that to you.
Setting aside that particular turn of phrase, which I find nearly unbearably bad—I’m not a rocket, and I don’t have a trajectory to speak of—I didn’t have an answer.
So I thought about it a bit more, and have an answer finally, but it’s one that will never help me in a job interview.
I want to make great things, and I want to help other people make their good things even better. And for right now, for all the bullshit and everything else where I work, that’s what I’m getting to do. So maybe my “career trajectory” is just stable for now.
Creeping existential dread
Anxiety meter keeps getting pegged in the red for no real reason. Klonopin delivery service should be a thing.
At the last newspaper I worked at, someone came in every year to give an OSHA-mandated safety talk. It was what you’d expect: Some scare stories, some advice, some common sense.
But at one of them, the speaker admonished us to always use a stepladder when reaching for things up high, and to never, ever use a chair, even at home. He told us that dozens of people each year fall off chairs and break bones or even die.
I took his advice to heart, by which I mean, I still use a chair to reach things on the ceiling—I did so tonight when changing smoke alarm batteries—but I always worry about it, and fervently hope the chair holds my bulk and I don’t become one of those dozens.
Safeco, my insurance company, has done the right thing and waived the deductible, so I can get my car without having to pay. If anyone is in the market, we’ve been with Safeco for at least four years and never had any issues at all with them.
My car is ready. But because of the way my insurance company handled this, I’m on the hook for my deductible. The other insurance company (the one representing the woman at fault) was supposed to send me a check to cover the deductible, but I checked this morning and they haven’t written it yet, let alone put it in the mail. I am quite angry about the possibility of having to be $500 down until the people at fault deign to pay me what they fucking owe me.
I’m apparently leading the singing at a wedding on April 27. This doesn’t scare me as much as it probably should, because instead I’m trying to find someone to hem the pants of the suit I just bought at Goodwill before I have to leave.
There’s time to be terrified about the other things later.